i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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