Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
