end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
