Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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