I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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