Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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