my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
