Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
