I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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