We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
