I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
