Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize