Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
