dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
