you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
