I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
