I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
