he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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