I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
