Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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