she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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