if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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