I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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