Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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