I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
