I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
