we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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