sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
