I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
