i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
