Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
