3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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