got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i will never coherently bang her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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