He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
