I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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