You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
