Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I party with great urgency now.
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