planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
