I wish I only lived at night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
