when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
