Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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