Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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