she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
