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Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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