if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i love accidental penises.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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