Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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