man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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