he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Boobs are out for the taking
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
