Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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