I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
