I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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