Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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