I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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