If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
