wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
