it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize