just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
