No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
