to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
