Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
