I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
