Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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