I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
