who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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