new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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