I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
