Don't make out with my wife yet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize