Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
