Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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