she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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