So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
