My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
