Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
