I smell stomach acid.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
