please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
