Betty ford says i'm here all night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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