the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
