Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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