Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
