I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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