i don't like sucking hair
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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