Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
