cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
