I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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