I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
