im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
