Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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