God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
