What a fucking waste of an outfit
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They have beer where we have blood.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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