woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
