why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my liver is dry heaving
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
