I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
