I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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