ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
