I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
