I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
