Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
