So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You left your phone here
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