Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
