May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
