and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
