I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize