I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
