My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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