she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
