You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
