My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
