who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she told me i tasted like america
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
