My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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