i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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